We met beneath indifferent skies
with paper sacks and curious eyes
no violins, no grand parade
just lunches shared beneath the shade
The first thing that I ever knew
was not your smile but something crude
a dick pic in a public chat room
desire arrived before your name
you asked about me, Opeya answered
your old drug dealer flame
You begged for more the very first day
a backseat waiting, “Please let me taste you”
Christmas boxers, bold display
but something whispered, “Not this way”
I wanted more than borrowed bliss
because we talked
about galaxies we’d never see
about hidden worlds and mystery
aliens, time, conspiracy, fate
the kind of talks that make you late
I think I fell in love with you that day
Your eyes
dark as earth after summer rain
sunsets after pain
not bright like noon or winter stars
but evenings carrying hidden scars
A second meeting changed the air
striped dress, combat boots, you there
deep in the woods, beyond the road
where secrets sleep and bodies go
I wanted you but still withdrew
too nervous yet to reach for you
your hands were bolder under mine
crossing another little line
afterward, beneath the trees
you tasted me with hungry ease
but deeper than desire or need
I wanted someone who could truly see me
My children learned your name by heart
but never learned to like the sound
too many raised voices filled the room
too many tears when you came around
still somehow, slowly, despite it all
you became a part of us
There are four chairs around my table
one was set specifically for you
I bent my days around your hours
believing someday we’d build ours
My sister saved a place to roll
a character beside our own
she called your name across the board
certain you’d walk through the door
Silence answered
you never came
somehow
I was the one left apologizing
Violeta Noir 
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